Marriage Is A Test. So Why Aren't We Studying?

How many of you have experience with the SATs, LSATs, GREs, Or MCATs? How many of you or your children or spouses had to prepare for one of these exams? Do you remember what it was like? The anxiety? The stress? The time and preparation you dedicated to it? The long days? The late nights? The exorbitant costs of the test prep programs?

They are upwards of $2800 for some; The Project Management Certification Test Prep course at UCF cost that much. I just got an email soliciting my business for it yesterday.

Even so, do you recall how that feeling of preparedness was suddenly priceless the moment you passed your exam?

And yet, the relief was fleeting. The test was over. The influence and preparation of that test prep class helped you no further than your exam day. Because, just as suddenly as you sat down to take that prep course, you just as suddenly embarked on a new journey and moved up in your career—leaving that test far behind.

Well, let me suggest an idea to you: marriage is also a test, isn’t it?

In fact, its one of the biggest tests you might ever encounter. And what makes this test so unique, is the fact that the longer you stay married, the more tests you will be required to sit to take.

Because, in marriage, success means you are tested more and more; not less. Success means your test doesn’t end; instead it goes on to provide new opportunities for testing. Opportunities that will hopefully help you reach marital satisfaction, growth, and spiritual goals. It isn’t just one test that you study for, sit for, and move on from.

No.

Marriage can be a life long process once you enter into its contract; and unlike the MCATs, the course material in a marriage can change at the drop of a hat.

Despite this, marriage is the one test many fail to even think about preparing for. It is the one test in which we ignore the study plan. We ignore the test prep services. We ignore the need. We take it for granted that we are successful human beings, devout Muslims, and friendly people and think those qualities are all it takes to be successful in a marriage.

That “Marital strife wont happen to me,” attitude. Because, after all...we come from good families. We are fair-skinned. We are doctors.

And as unprepared as ever, we sign on the line in front of witnesses.

Because, how many people do you know who are divorced and yet are also good Muslims? Successful in their careers? Kind? Loving? Caring? Friendly? Come from good families?

You see, Muslims are not immune to marital strife. In fact, Muslim divorce is on the rise right now and we are starting to look like our non-Muslim counterparts in the statistics. And by the time we realize we need to reach out for professional marital help, its often too late. Like heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses, by the time we realize how sick our marriages are, the system is already broken. But, just like our health, prevention is your most powerful weapon against marital issues.

Premarital counseling has been around since the time of the prophet, s.a.w. Today, our Imams provide this service, sometimes. But, not only are Imams overwhelmed with this need, Imams are not trained in the changing needs of successful marriages in the Western world today. They aren’t trained counselors. They aren't even trained in relationships. To truly be prepared for marriage in this day and age, our youth needs to have a qualified counselor that can guide and prepare them thoroughly. What is even rarer, is finding a qualified, licensed clinician that is also knowledgeable in our Faith and intimately knows how important it is in our marriages.

I have 12 years of clinical experience helping Muslims break through struggles in their lives. I have graduate degrees from Harvard and Yale that can attest to my added specialty in relationships and how they are influenced by the beautiful faith of Islam. But what is even more important, is that not only am I an educator with an added masters degree in Education, but in me, you will find the only licensed mental health professional in Central Florida that provides these services with an Islamic perspective.

If marriage is a test, then why aren’t we preparing for the exam? Why aren’t we seeking out the most qualified instructor to teach us how to prepare?

Because, premarital counseling is the first step we can take to heal our communities: preventing issues before they start. Gaining the knowledge and tools we need to handle issues before they even arise. And, finally, setting a quintessential example for our children to follow: Because learning begins in our homes.

#BismillahBeginnings #premaritalcounseling #halfyourdeen