16 Signs You Might Inherit Toxic In-Laws And What To Do About It

We have all heard the stories. From Bollywood to secret social media support groups, even in this day and age, stories have not ceased to pour in from all corners of the world about how in-laws are still living up to their sinister reputations.

We here at Bismillah Beginnings too have heard our share of in-law horror stories. And to make matters worse, we have seen justifications for the abusive behavior erroneously upheld in the name of Islam.

But, it is time to set the story straight: The Prophet (s.a.w) has never taken a stance on in-law rights and responsibilities and any Hadith circulating around the subject, as narrated by Aisha (r.a) or others are inauthentic rumors used to push a dangerous agenda. This agenda is so toxic that it aims to pull apart the fibers that weave families together and the warning signs of toxicity are evident long before families are joined in marriage.

Where does the toxic behavior come from then?

Toxic in-laws are a product of dangerous cultural sanctions and personal maladaptations that should be dealt with under the care of a licensed, mental health professional knowledgeable in your faith and culture. And while the stigma of family therapy hangs over Muslim families like a scarlet letter, divorce hangs over a family twice as heavy. While prevention with premarital counseling is the surest way to safeguard yourself from toxicity, family therapy can help you and your families overcome the hurdles set forth by toxic cultural norms and heal together if you are already married.

Have you been worried about possible red flags in your future? Here are 16 signs you might be inheriting toxic in-laws.

1. You’ve been living in misery ever since you have been introduced to your in-laws.

2. They’re never pleased with you, no matter what your do they always find some fault with it.

3. The thought of spending time with them terrorizes you. And when you make yourself do so, you end up getting sick.

4. Your relationship with your fiancé had turned sour because of their manipulative meddling.

5. You behave unlike your regular self around them to make them happy, and then hate yourself for doing so.

6. You are subjected to relentless criticisms and comparisons.

7. Your future in laws are repeated offenders, and show no sign of guilt or remorse when called out on their hurtful actions. You’re always responsible for their actions.

8. Your future in laws are deceptive people, they lie and twist things for their advantage, and you lose yourself in their dirty tactics.

9. Your future in laws don’t apologize for their behavior, nor do they take any effort to make amends.

10. Your future in laws discriminate between their children and grandchildren, and your family is never good enough to get what the others receive from them.

11. You neglect yourself and binge eat/shop or engage in other self destructive behavior that stems from your agony and anger over your future in laws' cruelty.

12. They act one way when your fiancé is present and another when they’re alone with you. You feel trapped.

13. You’re sick with physical and mental illnesses- inexplicable pains, involuntary weight loss/ gain, anxiety, anger, depression, fear etc.

14. You often have nightmares from these traumas, and feel weak and tired a lot of the time.

15. You have low self esteem.

16. You feel like going crazy since you can’t prove their invisible abuse.

If you are experiencing any of these signs and want to talk to a professional about it, please do not hesitate to reach out to Bismillah Beginnings.

Jazakallah Khair